TV Land

I love funny commercials just as much as the next guy, one of my favorites right now is a guy in his living room in the middle of the night on the phone with his (male) insurance agent.  His wife storms into the room and accuses him of having an affair, she snatches the phone from her husband and after she hears a man’s voice on the other end, she tells her husband in a very snotty tone “She sounds hideous!”  Cracks me up every time.  There is also a sitcom that I like to watch, it is about a husband and a wife and their children and some other family members.  The wife is constantly nagging her husband and commenting on how lazy/dumb/useless he is.  This is one of my favorite TV shows, it is hilarious!

I’ve been noticing a common theme more and more in TV and commercials.  Women are portrayed as nagging, untrusting and basically, a major buzz kill.  I see it time and time again, a commercial where a wife is in the background rolling her eyes at her husband for joking and having fun with friends, a husband hiding out at a bar to escape the irksome wife and her “honey do” list, a group of women sitting together and complaining about their men or a wife scheming to use sex as a tool to control and discipline her husband.

While all of this makes for a good comedy, what is it doing to our relationships and how husbands and wives perceive each other?  I know, we are adults, and we are supposed to be able to tell the difference between real life and fantasy TV life, but this constant message has to have some kind of effect on our subconscious.  I will admit that when I was a young wife many years ago, I treated my (then) husband partly based on perceptions that were created by the media.  (Partly based on other things too, but that’s a whole other blog post that I won’t get into.)  Don’t we make decisions on how we eat and what we wear based on media?  We see these shows and women are degrading their men and making them the butt of their jokes but at the end of the 30 minutes the couple is snuggling on the couch and all is right with the world again.  The only problem is, our life and our marriages are not lived out on a set where the happy ending is already written out for us.

I wonder what the ramifications of this trend are.  Are we getting the idea stuck in our heads that we can treat our husbands like little children?  Do we feel we earned the right to treat them poorly because we are the ones who gave birth, cook dinner, fold the laundry and go to work?  Do we think it’s OK to be this super cool chic while we are dating then pull a switcharoo once we are married and turn into Captain Super Bitch?  Is this why the divorce rate is skyrocketing?

What about men?  Do men expect this out of women? Are men afraid to get married?  The “Before Girl” is great, but what about the “After Wife”?  Have we conditioned men to put up their defenses and try to avoid serious, meaningful and lasting relationships?

This is not a call to the media in hopes that they will change all their programming for the good of all mankind.  I’m no fool, it is what it is and I cannot change that. I am also not asking anybody to boycott TV; I myself am not willing to give up my favorite Wednesday show.  This is a call to wives to treat your husbands with respect and honor. (And yes, obey them!)  Realize that your life is not a sitcom, even though it may seem like it sometimes. Don’t take marriage advice from the so called “real” housewives.  Don’t try to be the master of your household by tricking your husband; God didn’t create us for that role. 

I know, I know, you are thinking that I am still in newlywed mode so this is easy for me to say.  I know life and marriage are hard, and I find myself rolling my eyes and making rude comments occasionally.  That’s why I am writing this today, not only as a plea to you, but a reminder to myself; while all the world is trying to look and dress like a celebrity, don’t act like those bitches on TV.

My kind of hobby

I don't have many hobbies, when asked by someone what my hobbies are, I have to really think hard to come up with something and usually say something ridiculously boring along the lines of "I really like to read." Yawn. Here is the definition of hobby according to dictionary.com "an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation: Her hobbies include stamp-collecting and woodcarving."  Hmm, stamp-collecting and woodcarving, not exactly for me. There are things I enjoy doing, I love riding on the motorcycle with my husband and hope to learn to ride myself, I love laying in the sun on the beach, I enjoy writing and I love being lazy and laying on the couch and watching TV.  I would not call any of these things hobbies.  A hobby to me entails something that is done with regularity, something that is done with passion, something that involves investing money into and often times setting up a whole separate room in your house dedicated to said hobby.  And then it hits me, I do have a hobby...Shoes!

Checklist
Done with regularity...check, I wear them every day.
Done with passion...check, anyone who has seen me catwalk in a new pair of stilettos can attest to my passion.
Investing money...don't even get me started! (However I do pride myself on the incredible sale pricing I am able to track down, I have never paid more than $50 for a pair of shoes, and I'm talking name brand shoes here people!)
Separate room in my house...well, I don't exactly have an entire room, but I have taken over the closet in my room and my daughter’s room, and I intend on expanding.
Hobby? I think so!

I have tried to explain to my husband that I collect shoes, similar to someone who collects baseball cards, stamps or matchbox cars.  He said it’s not the same thing because other things that people collect have monetary value or the potential to increase in value.  OK, I guarantee you that if I hang onto my shoes long enough they will be considered antiques and increase in value, maybe someday I can donate them to the Smithsonian.  But really, don’t people collect things because they have a passion for them? (See checklist item #2)  People don't collect refrigerator magnets because they can be resold at a higher price at auction someday.  People collect them to remember times in their lives and places they have traveled.  I have the beautiful blue shoes I wore on my wedding day in a place of honor in my closet.  I love wearing the shoes I wore the day my oldest son was confirmed.  I love how confident and sexy I feel when I wear my 5 inch orange sandals.    I love my shoes!  They remind me of good times and bad.  The offer encouragement, once I lose these last 30 pounds, I have a great dress I'm going to wear and the perfect shoes to go with it.  They help me and my mom bond when we go shoe shopping on Memorial Day weekend. 

No, my husband and probably countless other men don't get it.   Often times, my shoes make me the butt of family jokes.  And I have at times suffered financial pain due to my love of shoes. But on a rainy day when I'm feeling down, all I have to do is put on a pair of fabulous heels and walk around my kitchen, and all is right with the world again.

Being Content

I wish I would've done things differently when I was a teenager.  I put my mom through hell to the point that I think she just threw up her hands and quit.  Sorry Mom,  having a teenager now, I know the pain I put you though, even though my son is 10 times better than I was.  I look back at high school and I think of all the things I wish I would've done.  I wish I would've tried to get good grades, I wish I would've tried out for plays.  I wish I would've had a boyfriend.  Most importantly I wish I would've placed a higher importance in my faith. Now I have a son in school, the same school I went to.  Here's my second chance!  I can make him do all the things I wish I would've so he can have the perfect life!  Right? Umm yeah, not exactly.  He has a different idea for what he wants out of high school.  I pushed him to be in as many sports as possibly, to try out for plays and to find himself a nice Christian girlfriend that he can marry a few years out of school, (for all of you who didn't attend the same school as me, believe it or not this is more common than you would think).  I push him to work hard to get good grades(I will never stop pushing for this, sorry Bear)  I do this because I want what all parents want for their kids, I want him to be better than me, to do greater things than me, I want him to be a better Christian than I am.  I want him to have a life with which he is content.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my life.  God has blessed me with a good job, a nice house, a husband and kids that I love and many other countless things I don't deserve.  I just took the longer, harder road getting here.  I want the express train to the good life for  my children.  But how many stops do you miss on the express train?  Do you miss the stop that teaches you that having a lot of fun has consequences?  How about learning who you can trust and who you can't?  Those are important lessons everyone needs to learn.  I didn't learn them by having a boyfriend in high school or trying out for a play.  I learned them by living my life.  It occurs to me that I don't want my kids to have the life I wish I would've had.   I want them to live their life so they learn these lessons the way God has intended for them.  I want the best the life possible for them, I want them to have the experiences that will end up as great memories.  I want them to be content in this life and secure in their faith for the next!

Today is the end of the school year. I am going to pick up my son from his boarding school. Tonight I will watch him sing God's praises in the choir, just like I did.  I will watch him and his friends hug each other and cry as they say good bye to each other for the summer, just like I did.  I will watch him talk excitedly about being an upper classman next year, just like I did.  I will be happy for him because he is doing the things that will give him lasting memories, just like I have. I will rejoice, knowing that in God, he will have a blessed life and be content.

All for Shoes

I went home and told my husband I finally started my blog.  I thought he would be so excited for me, and he was, until he read it.  He asked me what it was about.  I said "Nothing".  He's a huge Seinfeld fan so I thought for sure he would get this...totally didn't get it.  He started to read it, OUTLOUD!  I was mortified!  I had to put the kibosh on that right away!  I hate hearing what I have written read out loud, it even bothers me when I see their lips moving while they read because I know what part they are reading and I can see their reaction.  We all have our quirks I guess. 
Anyway...he reads it, looks at me and says "So you don't want anyone to read your blog?" Apparently he didn't think it was worth reading.  I thought I explained that in my first post, but I guess I didn't, so let me clarify.   Of course I want people to read my blog!  Doesn't every blogger have the hope in the back of their head that they will be the next big thing?  (I hope to be the next Carrie Bradshaw)  I want someone to discover my incredible wit and insight and offer me a weekly column in some New York paper so I can buy lots of Jimmy Choos and Manolo Blahniks!  I guess my point is I am not writing to please anyone but myself.  I am writing what I think about and what makes me happy, and I sure hope you like it.

Where to Begin

Let me start out by saying I have no idea where this is going to go.  It's like I have a full tank of gas and I just want to go somewhere, I don't care where, I just want to drive.  Except, its more like I have a head full of stuff and I just want to get it out, and I don't care what, I just want to write. 


My husband has encouraged me for a while to start blogging and has given me lots of ideas - write about our weight loss experiences, write about our motorcycle adventures.  My mom has often told me that I need to write down all the crazy stories about my kids.  My cousins tell me to write down my childhood memories, (even though I am often accused of making them up just because they don't remember as well as I do).  All of these ideas have their pros and cons, but I don't think I could stay committed to any one of these themes, so I have chosen to write about all of it.  I like it this way, no rules, no guidelines, no restrictions.  I can do what I want, isn't that what most of us really want?  To do what we want, when we want?  OK, that's not totally true, I have set some limits for myself, as I type I am mentally compiling a list of things I will not write about, some things are just too personal.  The more I think about the topics I won't write about though, the more I want to write about them.  I have always been know to give TMI.


I miss writing.  I used to journal all the time.  I never meant my writing to be private, like a diary, it just so happened to turn out that way seeing as not many people came into my room and picked up my work and read it.  This may not end up being the most popular blog ever, but that's OK.  I'm not doing this for anybody but myself.  But if you want, I'm giving you the opportunity to a peak inside my scatter brain.